I’m a Simp

I'm about to tell you something that I'm really not proud of. I, Kimm (not putting my last name, even though some of you may know itttt) am officially a full time Simp. But I'm working through it.

Simp (n), stands for Suckas Idolizing Mediocre P*ssy. With a clear Urban Dictionary definition of: Someone who does way too much for a person they like. Even though this term stands for someone who enjoys women, we're going to also use it for people who enjoy mediocre d*ck (spoiler, every d*ick is mediocre). Why do I keep bleeping out inappropriate words? Because it feels right Stephanie, let me be.

I wasn't always this way. I used to only try a little bit for guys that didn't show any interest. I wouldn't think much about them, but when I saw them I'd be stopped in my tracks. NOW it's so much worse.

When I ended my last serious relationship, I went on for about 2 years not wanting a relationship. I only wanted the attention of a man. So I would match with guys on dating apps, and when I came across one that seemed to match my personality, he would become my new guy. I would only really hook up with them, we may have gone out on few dates, but nothing serious. It would be the same guy for about 2-3 months. At that time, someone would catch feelings and I would quickly shut that shit down. This went on until Covid became a thing, when it felt strange having a hook up buddy in the middle of a pandemic.

Kim, there's people that are dying.

- Kourtney Kardashian

With Covid in full force, and my depression creeping up on me, I saw myself crushing hard for men that were cute and nice to me. This all came to light when I became a Cheapie, and began to have crushes on random guys/ burner accounts that would tell me they loved me every Friday. A guy that's funny mixed that also says he loves me (even in friendly way)? K.O. To be honest, that's not even the full qualifications of what would make me fall for a guy without even knowing them.

Ladies, shown above is the photo of the perfect man. Completely being superficial here, and only basing it on his looks, I've deemed that any man that has a similar characteristics to Brett Eldredge has full rights to ruin my life. What are those characteristics? Please, let me list them out:

• Light brown hair

• Perfect amount of facial hair (see photo above for reference)

• Blue eyes

• 6ft or taller

• Nice arms (look at his, omg)

Not to mention, he's not a Republican *faints*

Brett Eldredge and any man with those characteristics can push me in front on an on-coming bus, and I'd thank them for it. And this is what makes me a Simp, and will ultimately lead to my downfall.

Once again, this isn't a blog with a resolution. I'm going through it, and will report back if I figure out a cure. But until then, just know that if you find yourself Simping for some mediocre d*ick (even d*ick that you barely know), you aren't alone. There's more like us. Remember it gets better.

Thanks for being here! (On this blog, and this planet)

But most importantly, thank you Brett Eldredge.